“Just Don’t Turn Away”

I’m finally back from my long absence from wordpress. Or, you could say, my long absence from the world. My student teaching was literally the most will-crushing, heart-wrenching, depression-inducing experience of my life. Let me give you a quick glimpse into a day in the life of this student teacher. Here’s something I wrote on March 15. “I have nothing left. Nothing. I can’t give anything more.” I can’t. I’m exhausted and drained. I have no energy left. I have no more ideas. I have no more strength to go on…How will I go on? Lord, You have to do it.” I had tried everything I could think of, and it still wasn’t good enough. Instead, I stopped trying. The only reason I graduated was because God did it for me. All the grades and scholarships and awards in the world couldn’t get me through this. All the friends and family couldn’t convince me to finish. Only the God of the Universe could pick me up and carry me to the end.

In the middle of this despair (you might think I’m being slightly dramatic, but it was truly despair), I felt the presence of God more clearly than ever before. Sure, I cried every day, but the only thing that got me out of bed was the fact that I knew that He was with me. A song that I heard over and over during that time said “Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face. Just don’t turn away.” Whatever you go through, please don’t turn away from Jesus. He’s the only thing that matters. I was in a fiery furnace. Whether I survived that time or not, I knew that Jesus Christ was with me in the furnace. Look straight into His eyes and He will comfort you and transform you during the most challenging times.

Be All There

“Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation that you believe to be the will of God.” ~ Jim Elliot

Today, I had a run-in with my cooperating teacher at my student teaching assignment. It caused me to question if pushing through these last two and a half months is worth all the stress. After hours of emotional turmoil and a few discussions with reasonable people, I regained my sanity. I also remembered all of the amazing ways that God has provided so that I can finish school. It would be foolish to squander my student teaching experience by not giving it my best effort. With that in mind, I think I’m going to follow Mr. Elliot’s advice and be fully present. In fact, this will probably be my last visit to wordpress until May. There are just too many distractions for me to be an effective teacher. T minus 2.5 months and counting (then I can finally move on in life).

Another Calling…

…(aka Jesus and Dave Drake Ruined My Life)

I have always known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. From astronaunt to veteranarian to journalist, I have had a very specific dream that I just knew would come true. Most recently, I wanted to be a PE teacher. I’ve been going to school for it for 6 years, in fact. Little did I know that God had something else in mind for me. For the past few months, I have felt a pull toward ministry. First, I thought I might teach English in the Middle East. And then I read Light Force by Brother Andrew and realized that they probably don’t need me. So I continued doing local ministry and thinking that I was still going to be a teacher. However, as I began my student teaching, I realized that I had no passion for teaching physical education anymore. To be honest, I hate it. My passion is doing ministry. Just to be clear, my passion is not the ministry. I don’t want to be a pastor. My calling is not to equip people for ministry but to actually do ministry on the front lines (and grab the hands of a few others and pull them along with me). Recently, I had a meeting with two of my pastors about starting Young Life in my neighborhood. I have never been so excited about something. I love Jesus, I love CrossWinds, I love Godwin Heights, and I love youth ministry. I don’t know what’s coming next, but I know God is calling me to something that’s better than any of my own miniscule dreams.

Blog Title Suggestions??

I just realized that I have until May to come up with another blog title, because I will no longer be a “Redeemed College Student” (graduation, not losing my salvation). Any ideas?

Weird search terms

Someone just found my sight by using “tuff love arrogant college student.” What the trash were they even looking for? And, where did they learn how to spell?

Teaching Little Sinners

You know that it’s time for me to update when my only visitors come while searching for subungal hematomas. The only thing I have to write about is my Teacher Assistant Practicum. I’ve discovered a new-found appreciation for Elementary age kids. They’re so impressionable. I feel like things that I say to them could change the rest of their lives. Plus, they’re still naive enough to think that I’m cool (I sure have them fooled). The problem is that there are so many teachers who are already setting some of them up for failure. The Young Fives teacher tells the Kindergarten teacher that there’s a troublemaker coming, so the expectations are already there for him to make trouble. High expectations are so crucial to the success of a student. When there are only low expectations, the student will most likely meet those expectations. The “bad” kids tend to flock to me (maybe because I give them positive attention instead of just yelling at them), so I have a perfect opportunity to have an impact on these kids. I think teachers either forget or don’t know that all kids are “bad” kids. Coming from a biblical perspective, it’s easier to avoid saying terrible things behind a kids’ back. I know that every one of these kids is depraved (if you disagree, spend some time with kids and you’ll see what I mean). Just because a kid’s sinfulness is a little more obvious than others does not mean that the other kids are any better. They all need Jesus.

Be Bold

I’m a little nervous. I have a meeting tonight with some peeps from my church who are helping with a tutoring ministry in the neighborhood. I’ve invested so much thought and prayer into this already. I could talk to anyone forever about how exciting it is that God has given us an awesome opportunity to reflect His glory in our community. I could preach a sermon (but I wouldn’t because the Bible teaches that I shouldn’t) about how ministry is about God’s glory and how we need to be organic/incarnational and how love is about bringing people toward God.

The problem? I’m scared. I’m not sure if I could explain why, either. Maybe it’s because I’m not sure what I’ll say to parents. Maybe it’s because I wonder if kids will actually come. Maybe sharing the gospel is scary to me. Not matter what the reason is, I must push through it. Paul asks the Ephesians to pray that he will speak the word with boldness as he should. If Paul needed prayer for boldness, it seems that boldness doesn’t always come naturally. The real problem, then, isn’t the fact that I’m nervous. The real problem would be if I’m not obedient in sharing Jesus with these kids and their families. None of this depends on me anyway. God has prepared a people. It’s not about my presentation, but about His transformational power.

Love: a Refreshing Definition

In John Piper’s book, “Let the Nations Be Glad,” he says that love is helping people toward God. That, my friends, is beautiful (because it’s true). You can be accepting and nice to everyone without an ounce of love in the equation. The way to show a person that you care is by showing them one true and living God. There are plenty of gods out there, even among people claiming to follow Jesus. Helping people toward Him may look different in various situations, but it always points to the Savior, the King of kings and the Lord of lords.

P.S. I highly recommend “Let the Nations Be Glad.” It helps put the focus on where it should be in missions both at home and around the world: God’s glory.

A Little Less WordPress

I officially have made the semi-painful transition to not having internet access available to me 24/7.  So, my wordpress posts will be fewer and farther between, but maybe I’ll put a little more thought into them (no promises, though). It’s kind of sad to realize how much of my life was taken up by things like facebook. I think this will be good for me.

Ethical?

The Ethics professor at one of my schools is giving his students the option of donating money to UNICEF in lieu of taking the final exam. If students donate $100, their grade stays the same. $200 means an entire letter grade increase. My question is this: is it ethical to base a grade on the ability to donate a significant amount of money? Certainly, students can still take the exam, but doesn’t this give a huge advantage to students who have extra money just sitting around? Any thoughts?