Jesus Didn’t Have Kids, Either

One of the deepest desires of my heart is to be a mother. Recently, I’ve been reminded about this desire at almost every turn. From reading about adoption conferences to holding babies to plastering my facebook with pictures of my great nephew to researching foster care, I just can’t get away from it. Even in 1 Timothy, which we are reading through as a church, Paul talks about women being saved through childbearing (obviously, this is not justification, but sanctification as Pastor Mark Driscoll points out).

I will never be able to have biological children. Praise God for the blessings of foster parenting and adoption. However, I’m not in a place where I can do either at this point in my life. So, where does that leave me? Well, my Savior understands. He never had children (no matter what you read in The Da Vinci Code). More importantly, God will bring me children when, if, and how He sees fit. I love Hannah’s prayer after the Lord gave her Samuel in 1 Samuel 2. Basically, she says God can do whatever He wants, whether it makes sense to the world or not. He answered Hannah’s prayer by giving her a son, but He would still have been a holy, wonderful God if He answered no. Not my will, but Yours, Lord.

A Charge to the Radical

Here’s a video for the Christ followers who don’t want their lives to make sense to the world. May we live in total abandon to Jesus, even when people think we’re crazy.

Helpless

Recently, I have been overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness. I drove by a Pinery Park and saw 50 guys playing basketball last night. First, I thought that several of them probably need to hear the gospel. My next thought was that I couldn’t be the one the bring the message. How would I begin to approach them? Why would they listen to me? I couldn’t just go ask to join their game (imagine an uncoordinated chubby white girl coming up to a bunch of ballers and asking to play).

I’ve had several situations like this where I feel like it would be ridiculous or stupid to do something myself. I tend to respond by wishing that I had a husband who could do ministry with me. While this would be nice, it’s not close to a reality at the moment. I guess this is why I have a community of believers at my church to do mission. They may not be ballers, but at least I’m not alone.

My Favorite Thing About Living in the United States

I know I tend to be a party pooper when it comes to patriotism. The United States, in the end, isn’t always the “land that I love.” I wouldn’t die for my country (even though I appreciate those who have). I even tend to enjoy the Independence Day celebrations of other countries over the 4th of July. However, as I watched the fireworks in downtown Grand Rapids, I was reminded of a beautiful thing about the good ole’ US of A: it is filled withe people from a myriad of races, nationalities, and languages. I love celebrating Independence Day surrounded by people speaking Vietnamese, Spanish, and Arabic. All I have to do is look out my window to see people who come from a background very different from my own. With all of these cultures meeting in one place, it makes me glad that God placed me here. Isn’t God amazing?

“Just Don’t Turn Away”

I’m finally back from my long absence from wordpress. Or, you could say, my long absence from the world. My student teaching was literally the most will-crushing, heart-wrenching, depression-inducing experience of my life. Let me give you a quick glimpse into a day in the life of this student teacher. Here’s something I wrote on March 15. “I have nothing left. Nothing. I can’t give anything more.” I can’t. I’m exhausted and drained. I have no energy left. I have no more ideas. I have no more strength to go on…How will I go on? Lord, You have to do it.” I had tried everything I could think of, and it still wasn’t good enough. Instead, I stopped trying. The only reason I graduated was because God did it for me. All the grades and scholarships and awards in the world couldn’t get me through this. All the friends and family couldn’t convince me to finish. Only the God of the Universe could pick me up and carry me to the end.

In the middle of this despair (you might think I’m being slightly dramatic, but it was truly despair), I felt the presence of God more clearly than ever before. Sure, I cried every day, but the only thing that got me out of bed was the fact that I knew that He was with me. A song that I heard over and over during that time said “Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face. Just don’t turn away.” Whatever you go through, please don’t turn away from Jesus. He’s the only thing that matters. I was in a fiery furnace. Whether I survived that time or not, I knew that Jesus Christ was with me in the furnace. Look straight into His eyes and He will comfort you and transform you during the most challenging times.

Be All There

“Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation that you believe to be the will of God.” ~ Jim Elliot

Today, I had a run-in with my cooperating teacher at my student teaching assignment. It caused me to question if pushing through these last two and a half months is worth all the stress. After hours of emotional turmoil and a few discussions with reasonable people, I regained my sanity. I also remembered all of the amazing ways that God has provided so that I can finish school. It would be foolish to squander my student teaching experience by not giving it my best effort. With that in mind, I think I’m going to follow Mr. Elliot’s advice and be fully present. In fact, this will probably be my last visit to wordpress until May. There are just too many distractions for me to be an effective teacher. T minus 2.5 months and counting (then I can finally move on in life).

Another Calling…

…(aka Jesus and Dave Drake Ruined My Life)

I have always known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. From astronaunt to veteranarian to journalist, I have had a very specific dream that I just knew would come true. Most recently, I wanted to be a PE teacher. I’ve been going to school for it for 6 years, in fact. Little did I know that God had something else in mind for me. For the past few months, I have felt a pull toward ministry. First, I thought I might teach English in the Middle East. And then I read Light Force by Brother Andrew and realized that they probably don’t need me. So I continued doing local ministry and thinking that I was still going to be a teacher. However, as I began my student teaching, I realized that I had no passion for teaching physical education anymore. To be honest, I hate it. My passion is doing ministry. Just to be clear, my passion is not the ministry. I don’t want to be a pastor. My calling is not to equip people for ministry but to actually do ministry on the front lines (and grab the hands of a few others and pull them along with me). Recently, I had a meeting with two of my pastors about starting Young Life in my neighborhood. I have never been so excited about something. I love Jesus, I love CrossWinds, I love Godwin Heights, and I love youth ministry. I don’t know what’s coming next, but I know God is calling me to something that’s better than any of my own miniscule dreams.

Blog Title Suggestions??

I just realized that I have until May to come up with another blog title, because I will no longer be a “Redeemed College Student” (graduation, not losing my salvation). Any ideas?

Stupid Petitions that Christians Sign

Israel should be supported unconditionally

Gays and Lesbians should be discriminated against

I’m not sure why churches in Kalamazoo are putting up such a big fuss about the city ordinance which bans discriminating against people based on sexual orientation in regard to housing and employment. From what I’ve read, the employment only applies to employment by the city, so it’s not like churches will be forced to hire gay pastors. I heard an announcement on WayFM supporting this petition, and wondered why. Why don’t they start a petition that denies jobs to people who sleep together before they’re married? Maybe someone can enlighten me.

Weird search terms

Someone just found my sight by using “tuff love arrogant college student.” What the trash were they even looking for? And, where did they learn how to spell?